He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
