i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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