Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
