Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
