dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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