I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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