Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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