While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
