the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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