oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
