WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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