I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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