okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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