GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
