IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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