i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
