tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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