Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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