I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
