i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
