Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
