$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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