Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
