How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
