Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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