piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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