She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
