Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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