Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
