the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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