on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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