She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
