watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
