dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
