God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
