My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
