We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
tell me about the eggs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
