She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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