is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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