they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
