90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
