i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
