guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
