I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
