Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
