so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
