I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
