Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
