Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
