Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
handjob tips. give me some.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
