The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
