So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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