So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
