That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
