i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
