Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
