my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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