I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
