He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
